I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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