I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
