i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need to calm my uterus...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
