Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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