how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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