you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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