He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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