i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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