And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I looked at my own cervix.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
