My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
