I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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