I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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