She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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