I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
