ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
