my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am available for nakedness
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
