Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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