i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
