you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So. Much. Porn.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
