I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
