I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
