The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
