2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had to coat check the pizza.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
