dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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