A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
