we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
