You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
