i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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