Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
