I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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