suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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