Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
