just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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