Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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