I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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