We're like a lot better than the average bears
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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