some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck