Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

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  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4737) Bad night (965)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special

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  (303): i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special http://tfl.nu/5558
  Replies (40) Good night (3758) Bad night (934)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.

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  (248): I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me. http://tfl.nu/tfpk
  Replies (73) Good night (776) Bad night (3126)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".

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  (773): She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy". http://tfl.nu/lu2f
  Replies (47) Good night (1478) Bad night (6548)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.

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  (630): a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning. http://tfl.nu/n5pe
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (1157)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

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  (413): im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask. http://tfl.nu/in4y
  Replies (14) Good night (4802) Bad night (1007)
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  (858): View more from California

  She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.

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  (858): She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol. http://tfl.nu/gw51
  Replies (10) Good night (3559) Bad night (1241)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.

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  (778): I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/znuq
  Replies (18) Good night (4544) Bad night (938)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.

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  (816): We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly. http://tfl.nu/0x8b
  Replies (6) Good night (2124) Bad night (649)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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  (740): There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place. http://tfl.nu/9g42
  Replies (6) Good night (1202) Bad night (660)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired

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  (915): Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired http://tfl.nu/r2a7
  Replies (5) Good night (972) Bad night (1732)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...

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  (202): I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him... http://tfl.nu/dz07
  Replies (7) Good night (976) Bad night (532)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.

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  (407): I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is. http://tfl.nu/ixfo
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (520)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  how don't worse things happen to you?

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  (306): and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say... (1-306): how don't worse things happen to you? http://tfl.nu/atvw
  Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (263)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing

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  (513): I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing http://tfl.nu/1krz
  Replies (1) Good night (330) Bad night (158)

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