Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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