Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way