Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit. http://tfl.nu/riqs
  Replies (72) Good night (4636) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself. http://tfl.nu/msa0
  Replies (11) Good night (5382) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore. http://tfl.nu/590e
  Replies (23) Good night (6205) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here" http://tfl.nu/277o
  Replies (9) Good night (3507) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened. http://tfl.nu/hpbr
  Replies (18) Good night (5877) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together http://tfl.nu/81ca
  Replies (6) Good night (2582) Bad night (1056)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?" http://tfl.nu/nrwr
  Replies (5) Good night (3446) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised... http://tfl.nu/ztyt
  Replies (38) Good night (4097) Bad night (2297)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face http://tfl.nu/ob2s
  Replies (5) Good night (1253) Bad night (2276)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  How was the party last night?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): How was the party last night? (314): There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it. http://tfl.nu/sxu8
  Replies (4) Good night (1889) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical. http://tfl.nu/g3fg
  Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (405)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right http://tfl.nu/uway
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.' http://tfl.nu/jt97
  Replies (11) Good night (2092) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her. http://tfl.nu/cpaa
  Replies (4) Good night (837) Bad night (317)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation. http://tfl.nu/i67g
  Replies (3) Good night (433) Bad night (610)

Randomize