Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.