You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room