he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
