Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist