Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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