girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
