Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
