News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
