you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
