mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
