I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
