The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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