wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
