good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
