your thong is hanging out like whoa
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
