Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
