I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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