He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
