3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Welp...herpes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
