his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
