Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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