some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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