I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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