If i come over, it means nothing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
