I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They took my balls.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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