your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
