I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
