i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
