Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
