Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
