it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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