never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize