so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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