if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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