Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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