i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
vagina is talking i cant
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
