I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
