I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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