woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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