maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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