Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
