Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
